When we lived in the Houston area, one of Gregory's therapists gave us this story (for lack of a better word). It was soon after Gregory's formal diagnosis of autism, and she knew we could use some inspiration.
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"The Beauty of Holland" by Emily Perl Kingsley
"I am often asked to describe the
experience of raising a child with a disability----to try to help people
who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine
how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a
baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip---to Italy. You buy a
bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The
Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy
phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager
anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you
go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and
says, 'Welcome to Holland.'
'Holland?!?' you say. 'What do
you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy.
All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.'
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that
they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of
pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new
guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a
whole new group of people you never would have met.
It's just a different place.
It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've
been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and
you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips.
Holland has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy
coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a
wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will
say 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.'
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a significant loss.
But if you spend your life
mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to
enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."
We keep a copy of this on the refrigerator. It's our inspiration on bad days. A reminder that Gregory is, indeed, a very special child.
